How (Not) to Blog

Always wanted to be a blogger but don’t know where to start?  Me too!!  If you figure it out, feel free to shoot me a message.  Until then, here’s my process, for better or (mostly) worse.

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Dear Writer’s Block, I hate you. No Love, Chelle
  1. Blithely volunteer to contribute content to a blog with little knowledge of expectations, process, or metrics.
  2. Spend several days coming up with fabulous ideas.  Meticulously list them in your beloved Wunderlist app (a blog post unto itself) and spend the time in a haze of self-satisfied delusional productivity.
  3. Become overwhelmed by your list of ideas.  Decide they are all terrible.  Experience total creative vapor lock.  Slowly panic.
  4. Consider leaving the country to avoid experiencing the imagined disappointment of total strangers.  Convince yourself this is not overreacting.
  5. Realize passport is expired.
  6. Randomly choose a topic from list.  Start writing.  Cry a little.  Hate every word.  Why did you ever think anyone cared about the history of Wonder Woman?  What is wrong with you?  Proceed with existential crisis.
  7. Google “passport renewal.”
  8. Ask significant other for input.  Briefly consider suggestion of “Why Rifts is THE WORST.”  Realize the Venn diagram of people who know what Rifts is, people who are reading this blog, and people who are okay with a veritable hate-storm being laid on it looks like a stoplight.
  9. Spend several hours “researching” nerd-appropriate (nerd-propriate) topics on The Mary Sue and Epbot.  Order corset for no discernible reason.  Convince significant other that you probably need a coke float but are too busy to make it yourself.
  10. Realize it’s 10:00 pm and you work in the morning.  Decide you should go to bed and try again tomorrow.  Everything will make sense tomorrow.  Ignore historical evidence to the contrary.
  11. Suffer insomnia due to blog anxiety. Decide to call it blogxiety.  Consider the fact that you are the only one that thinks randomly making up words is cute.  Realize it’s all you’ve got.
  12. Admit you are never going to pull off the first impression of your dreams.  There is always going to be paint on your overalls.  (90s movie reference?  Anyone?)  Realize that’s okay.  Just write.
  13. Click publish.

So there you have it.  That’s my process.  Feel free to steal it and make it into something that works for you (or anyone, for that matter).  All hyperbole aside, my point is this: Whatever you’re not doing, whatever you’re afraid of, whatever you’re letting take up space in your head without paying rent, now is the time.  Plans are overrated.*

*Disclaimer: Statement is not scientific fact.  Author is not a scientist, or an expert in plans, their execution, or their lack.  For Pete’s sake, People, she can barely plan a complete meal!  Lay off, already!

7 thoughts on “How (Not) to Blog

  1. I resemble this blog post. I was so nervous when my first post for the NG blog went up, but it definitely has gotten a lot easier!

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